Catch the notes while they're singing to you

Thought it might be time for a little blog!

Catch the notes... I just wrote my first happy song.. EVER! I am very proud of me... I didn't think I could do it. But it seems as though I'm happy. Actually happy!
Due to everything that's been going on over the past few months I've had to conquer some fears and gain some confidence and most of all do a lot of things on my own, with your support, but on my own. And all that has made me stronger, possibly wiser but the opinions on that vary... and what's the word.. oh yes. I feel like I'm 'growing up' (sorry Peter Pan...)
I'm more me than I've ever been, and I love me. :)
I have come to realise that growing up doesn't just happen, you actually have to work for it.

With growing up also comes the ability to let go. Acceptance that things have happened, and those things may (or may not) have been good- but they will not be again. Fitzgerald writes in The Great Gatsby: 'So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.'
It's something we have all wanted to do at some point in our lives. Go back to when it was good.. against the ticking of the clock.. but learning to accept that what was is no longer there, doesn't mean you can't greet these memories and feelings from time to time, but one should not dwell.
I never realised how much I always wanted to hang on to something I thought was there, or someone I thought cared, and thus how much I hate letting go. Sometimes though, I've learnt, letting go is good. It is progress and it's living. So yes, we should never forget the past, because we should learn from it and treasure those special moments, but we have to put our 'behind in the past' (Pumba, The Lion King).. or the past behind yourself, whatever, I think I'm doing alright.
Such wise words hah.

Something else...
the enjoyment of cooking:
I really love it! Mixing and matching healthy foods, bringing out the taste, learning about new foods and making the perfect guacamole.
On my instagram you'll see food-photos hopping by on a weekly, sometimes daily, basis. Healthy foods make you feel so much better! And with the Monsanto foods flying about, the horrible ways in which dairy-animals are kept... I have resorted to an almost vegan diet, with veggies from Europe (cos Monsanto is not allowed in Europe .. yet.)
I eat honey (and lots of it at that!), cheese sometimes, and I don't not buy bread because it contains a bit of milk... but my dinners are, 9/10 times, vegan and preferably local produce. I'm learning about the nutrition and which veggies contain what.
I can recommend going to www.oneingredientchef.com for amazingly free tasty recipes! (Try the mushroom and avocado wrap, it's incredibly tasty)
I can also recommend instead of drinking coffee in the morning have a ginger, cinnamon and honey shot (mix it with a bit of hot water, some lemon if you like), it will wake you up!! or if you have a juicer: an apple and some ginger. same effect.

I've been to mingle with the southern faeries and found that the air in the south played tricks on me again, made me decide that the 'hot' North is definitely better. ;)
Next week I'm going to give Scotland another try, last time was a success as it was during a heatwave, and it was about 30 degrees all week, I doubt we'll have that much luck this time, but one can dream!

On another note: Oscar Wilde is my hero. I wish he was alive now, I would hate him and love him at the same time... with his sealskin and dogskin accessories.. but I forgive him. because he is... so utterly too-too. As many of you know I'm writing my dissertation on Oscar Wilde's great disappointment with the Atlantic, Niagara Falls and America. I am getting to know him better day by day, and am currently on book III on his life in America. excluding the Interviews he did while he was travelling. Newspapers have a love-hate relationship with him and he is, I can now confirm, the first real counterculture celebrity! How amazing is that. Paris Hilton should thank him, he was the first person who was famous for being famous (this was before he started writing). People wanted to see Oscar Wilde because he was Oscar Wilde...

Other things that have been going on:
parties, a folk/dance gig, really good sessions, traumatising moments when you're the only non-squeezeboxplayer left at a session, surrounded by accordions, realising over and over again how small this world can be...
My dad spent some time in Manchester in the 70s, and at one of the session I bumped into this lady who knew him from back in the day and still had a musicbook he lent her! And a man who goes to this same session used to join in with the village band in the Red Lion, the pub across the road from where my dad lives, and my stepmum obviously had something to do with the villageband..

I've been back to Amsterdam for 2 weeks, running around like a crazy person trying to catch up with everyone! I think I did quite a good job seeing (almost) everyone again :)
I arranged for my horse to move to a different place in June, so that's exciting! She'll be out 24/7 with 6 other horses, all geldings... I'm sure she'll have the time of her life, lots of attention! I do miss the horses... but hopefully a lesson from Charles Wilson before I leave!

I am thinking about what to do with myself next year... and I really don't know!! There are two options:
get a job in Amsterdam, do horsey things and make lots of music.. live there for a year and then go back to England to do my PGCE
or do my PGCE here this coming year, get degree and apply for jobs in UK/Holland ... It's quite scary, this thing called future. But either way I'm sure it will be good and fun and everything...

So...
that's the past me, the emotional me, the travelling me, the musicianing me, the studying me, the horse-loving me and the what-to-do-in-the-future me covered...

Spring has finally arrived, the trees are going green (in a good way!), they are also blossoming, the daffodils are out and I often wonder lonely as a cloud, among the hosts of golden daffodils. More like on a cloud- but that's for another time maybe.
The sun shows its face a bit more, the clouds wonder off sometimes showing us a lovely blue sky.
and I am enjoying my weird, random, lovely time in York. :)

X M